negative and I don't care

Hello folks! It's another day in the land of Lewis and one day closer to the weekend that I just realized Josh will be here for. Yay!

Yesterday was pretty good. Josh was training with a different guy that he was suppose to be filling in for next week when he got some interesting news. To get on at Fed Ex you have to have a years worth of truck driving experience. Well we thought he had that cover, but apparently the stipulation is that it has to have been within the last 3 years. He missed that deadline by just a few months. So we now have two options:
1.  Go back to work for Hawkins for a few months, =0, and as Josh put it, would be a horrible idea.

2. Go to driving school in Raleigh, NC for an entire week, and leave me and the girls home alone. Oh and did I mention this just happens to be the same week my ill mannered, unhelpful, grandmother will be in town and at my house every...single...day.

Another twist on this is that about 2 months ago Josh applied to GE and just this past Friday, the day he quit Hawkins, they sent him an email saying they were interested.

So have decided to plan on driving school but still reply to GE. If GE doesn't offer by the time the trip comes, then it wasn't meant to be. We just feel that God has put this obstacle in our path for a reason and we have to give him the chance to show us what he wants us to do. Even though Fed Ex is a guaranteed job and he wouldn't miss a paycheck we still have to take a chance to be shown the way.  Either way we will be happy and blessed.

The rest of my day, short of that unexpected news, was pretty good. Josh got home early at 3:30 just in time for Delores' daily meltdown. I really enjoyed have Josh home that early. Night time is always so much more chaotic with both babies screaming their demands.

Today was mixed. The first part of the day was not bad. My mom came over to watch Delores while I went to the health department to do WIC stuff for Lydia and she stayed till about 4:30. After she left things fell apart. Lydia wanted to fuss while I had to make Delores dinner and feed her dinner and give her a bath and put her to bed. Josh was not here to help out because he was training with his boss today on his route which takes two and a half hours longer than what we were promised. Yay. So I kind of fell apart. I'm just so sick of him not being here. For 7 months I kept my mouth shut about how I hated the hours he worked at Hawkins because I wanted him to be happy with what he was doing and now we are going through it again. I'm tired of being promised something like I'm being tricked into agreeing with this craziness and then being left to take care of the girls all day by myself. Yeah I'm happy Josh doesn't have to work every other weekend any more, but I'll be so tired and frustrated from practically being a single mother during the week all I'm going to want to do is be alone. What's that saying? A happy mom is a happy home? Yeah right. As long as every once else is happy with their lives that's all that matters. So Josh is in the living room doing his thing and I'm in the bedroom doing mine.

I guess only time will tell, but right now, sorry to say, I am just not in a positive mood about this whole thing. And you know what? I don't care that I'm not being all "oh it'll be okay. I'll just be strong and put on a smile and everything will be fine." Because every once in a while I just want everything to really, truely, be fine for me and not everyone around me.

Goodnight world.