Running from the Swiss

Stopez ze crazy woman!
(Or however the Swiss talk)

I am a highly sensitive creature. I have an acute sense of smell, taste, hearing and touch. I get headaches if things are too smelly, too bright or too loud. I get chills when I walk outside from inside or to inside from outside. Regardless of whether the temperature is hot or cold.

My hormonal cycle is the same way. Depending on the day of the month it can effect almost ever aspect of my life. My mood, my desire for intimacy, my motion sickness, my headaches, my sleep, my appetite, my weight, my acne, my back and hip pain, even my nails and the dryness of my skin.

All of these things are annoying to deal with every month but the weirdest symptom by far is the effect it has on my dreams. 

I have some really strangly messed up dreams. The kind that make you wake up ashamed or mad and feeling like you need to repent for something you didn't even do or even had any control over. 

So when I woke up a few mornings ago scared for my life I wasn't surprised but I was still disturbed. 

The dream started with Josh and I on a mission trip to Switzerland with a group of people I didn't recognized. I was 8 months pregnant. 

Why I was in another county and bloated as a tick is beyond me, but let's move on.

So it started off well. We did some sight seeing in what resembled the Grand Canyon on some donkeys. I felt more like the virgin Mary on the way to Jerusalem than a missionary. 

On our way back to the headquarters I started having complications and was rushed away from Josh to a local "hospital." Although it looked more like a WW2 medical tent. I was sedated and blacked out. 

When I came to I was completely alone. Laying on a gerney. Hooked up to an IV. It was dark except for the outside light shining through the flaps of the tent. I tried to get up but everything looked fuzzy and I couldn't move. I managed to sit up and swing my legs over the side of the gerney and move toward the sunlight. 

Suddenly a swiss nurse comes rushing from behind me and yells, all Swiss like, that I cannot move. I've been given heavy sedatives to prepare me for an amniotic fluid test to see if the baby is in distress. 

Confused I ask where my husband is. She tells me he is working with the missionaries and hands me a postcard with a picture of where he is ministering. Still confused I flip it over and Josh has written me a message. I can't remember what it said but after reading I was overwhelmed by fear. 

I started ripping whatever was hooked up to me off and struggling toward the flaps to make a run for it. The Swiss nurse starts yelling and two burly Swiss male nurses grab me by the arms to pull me back in.  

"I have to get out of here! Nothing is wrong with me!  I want to go home! I won't let you deliver this baby!  Let me go!"

I was given a shot and passed out again. Limp, I was carried back to the gerney. 

That is when I woke up. 

Bizzar, right? What's ever more weird is that this is fourth time I've had this type of dream in the past year. 

It all goes the same.  I'm pregnant, I'm taken into the hospital, they force delivery, I fight for my life and the life of the baby and  sometimes I escape, only to run to my midwife and she tells me she can't help me. 

Our marriage counselor mentioned that dreams are really just insight into something you consider unfinished business. Unless you are pregnant and those dreams just have a mind of their own. 

I don't know about the unfinished business part. Perhaps in an average person's dreams (by average I mean people who are not controlled by their hormonal demons that come in the night to constantly remind them of the failures of their past). Maybe it is an insight that I will never safely be able to carry another child to birth.  Maybe they are just dreams manifested from my fears. Maybe it's just something I ate.

The whole thing kind of peeves me off if you want to know the truth. I had been forgiven for my sins when I accecpted Jesus Christ into my heart. I do not dwell in my past and I do not repeat my sins. I am a new person 100 times over and yet my dreams continue to haunt me with reminders of my twisted past. If anyone out there is a distant descendant of Daniel send them my way. Maybe there is a cure for morbid dream control.

One thing is for sure, I would really like to have some occasional dreams about rainbows and lollipops or, you know, whatever else untainted people dream about.