Being a women stinks

Not literally. But seriously, it is not fun. One day I feel fine. Happy even and feel I’m ready to take on anything the day throws at me. The next I may feel like I can’t even get out of bed and this may last for a week or a month at a time. Why?

Honestly I don’t know. You probably know what I’ve been going through lately if you’ve been keeping up with my latest posts, but if you don’t go read them! Just paraphrasing though I had a mini melt down in which I realized I just need to do more things I enjoy more often and let go of the petty stuff. However, this is harder than it sounds. Time is short and freedom to indulge myself without thinking of the needs of other people around me is nonexistent. And thus frustration with myself gets even worse.

So why do I allow myself to feel this way? Why does my mood swing from high and then crash to the ground? Well, like I said I don’t really know, but I have a theory.

This morning I woke up in the best mood. That’s strange. What changed exactly?

The weather. Yesterday it was warm outside and today it was almost hot. I actually had to turn the air on while the girls napped so they wouldn’t burn up in their beds. It is a commonly known scientific fact that there is really a disorder that rises up in people during the winter months called the Winter Blues or Cabin Fever (there is probably a medical term but I don’t feel like being a fancy nancy right now and looking it up). Some are affected more than others. Hence the story line for Steven King’s The Shining.

Last week was probably the worst week I’ve had in a long time. Why? Well it snowed. The colder it is the bluer I get.

Another theory is that I’m a woman. Hormones. As Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory says “Women are slaves to their hormones.” And there is nothing we can do about it. There obviously is a cycle that affects our mood. Some more than others unfortunately. My body was preparing a place for a baby to grow through ovulation last week so my hormones were surging. Surging hormones means an abundance of emotions.

And yet another theory is that some people are predisposed to be more sensitive to environmental changes, hormonal changes, and triggers for depression. Either by genes they were born with or by the hardships in their lives.

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. I would be fine for a while, years in fact, and then suddenly it seems to come over me from nowhere and I cannot shake it. Then I have to go on medicine again.  

I have to admit that I really do not like this about myself. Being a Christian I think why can’t I just get over this with the grace of God and trust him? Why can’t I just be normal and enjoy my life? Forcing myself into guilt, which doesn’t help the situation at all.

So you see I have been affected by the weather, my hormonal changes, and my history of depression over the past few months. When you combine all these volatile ingredients into one confined person it doesn’t take very much pressure for it to explode.

What does this have to do with being a woman and the fact that it sucks? Well, another commonly known scientific fact is that these three things affect women more it affects men. Therefore, more women suffer from depression than men.

Yay! (Sarcasm, if you couldn't tell)

What I would give not to have to struggle with these things ever again. Could you imagine? Waking up feeling the same happiness everyday regardless of the weather, what time of the month it is or the genetic predisposition of metal illness. I’m telling ya, I think I would throw a party everyday to celebrate my contentedness.

So for you who are not suffering hug a friend who is. For you who are, you are not alone and remember in just a little over a month it will be spring and warm and God’s beautiful creation will sing songs, bloom in beautiful sweet smelling flowers and shine down on your face for YOUR enjoyment.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Forgot about the things that don’t really matter and don’t make yourself guilty over not having the cleanest house or the best meals or being the best social butterfly. You will feel up to it soon. Just take it easy for a while.

It will get better.