Pampering...it doesn't last forever

In my quest to find myself and find internal happiness I have been through many activities to try and appease myself. I thought if I could get out of the house and do some things that would make me beautiful on the outside I would feel more confident and, in turn, be happier. 

Afterall, it seems like this is what all the other ladies I’m surrounded with were doing and they looked happy so it would have to work for me too. So I treated myself to things for the house first. Manicures second. Electronics third. A new job forth. Hair fifth. Makeup sixth. Clothes seventh. Accessories eighth. This happened over the course of three years and I have run out of things to indulge in.

Each time I would get an itch for something new and I would pamper and indulge. Afterward I will feel racked with guilt and would refuse to enjoy the something I thought would bring me happiness. Or if I didn’t feel guilty about my purchase I would enjoy it until the newness wore off and then I felt like I needed something new again or needed more. 

Now, I know things and money don't buy happiness so I never over indulged or even splurged. I know we can’t take these things with us when we leave and they are really not important at all. 

In fact I didn’t even realize my pampering was hindering my spirit until Josh and I decided we would get even tighter on or budget by using Dave Ramsey’s envelope system (If you are unfamiliar with this Bing it or YouTube it). I suddenly realized that I would not have the freedom to purchase little things out and about that I saw for myself, my kids, or my husband because all of our money was at home. And I can honestly say I think I’m having withdraws from going cold turkey and feel like I am being strangled by the purse strings. Even more, when I do plan and go out to splurge at, oh let’s just say, the Dollar Tree. I feel more guilty about spending $4.00 than before when I had spent $30.00 at Old Navy or something. How sick is that? 

This may have been the best and the worst thing that could’ve happened to me. I discovered, as it turns out, pampering and indulging does not work, long term. Sure it is nice, if you can handle it. But, now that I’ve run out of things to pamper myself with I really don’t know what to do with myself or how to make myself happy. I’m sure once I get out of this slum (which I’m beginning to think has somewhat to do with the winter blues and cabin fever and our drastic new money saving technique) and figure all this out I will have a happiness and a spirit unshakable by the mundane. But for now, I am still on my quest.

Onward and upward!