Secretly happy for sickness

He he he*

Let's just be honest here. Being sick does have its benefits as well as its obvious downfall of feeling like poo. You get an excuse to do as little as possible and lay in bed as much as you want with no one giving you grief about it. In fact people will make you do nothing at all and wait on you hand and foot so you will feel better.  Plus you get to miss work if you have a job.

When someone else in your home is sick that also has its own set of benefits and disadvantages. You feel awful for them but then you get to take care of them and they're so sweet and helpless. Especially if their your husband. They get to come home early or stay home from work. You also get to have a little more alone time and you don't necessarily have to cook dinner because sick people only want little to nothing to snack on. You get to watch what you want. Stay up as late as you want. Play on your phone and blog as long as you want without those looks. You know, the seriously-are-you-gonna-do-that-all-night look. So when Josh texted me saying he was sick I'm ashamed to say I was looking foward to it a little. 

Josh graphically went on to say he had a stomach bug and couldn't keep anything down. I initially thought he was joking. Besides his constant allergies, he is never sick. Ever. But no, he was so miserable and trying to work and deliver packages while stopping to get sick or find a bathroom the whole day. I felt so bad for him. All I wanted to do was help but I couldn't do anything. He had to wait for someone to come get boxes off his truck and then his dad brought his car to him and he had to drive from Spartanburg to home. He didn't even get here till 4:00. The last time I talked to him he felt like he was going to pass out and couldn't even move. I was wrecked with worry and helplessness. So I did the only thing I knew to do. I went shopping. 

After I knew someone had arrived to relieve him and I knew he was on his way home I started thinking about how I could take care of him. So hi ho, hi ho, off the the sto I go. I got all kinds of things to take care of him for about 2 days. I also got him a car magazine to read since we took the TV out our room and I knew he would be bored just laying around in bed. I cleaned the toilets and put double trash bags in all the trash cans (cause no one wants that stuff to leak out of the free "recycle me," walmart bags). I set out little medicine cups with ginger ale and anti-projectile medicine on the bedside table. I made the bed and turned down his side. I laid out his pj's and propped up his magazine on my pillow. Then I picked up every obstacle out of the floor that would prevent him from a smooth sail to any bathroom or trashcan. I put wet washcloths in the fridge and then I waited.

Josh got home and I was outside with the girls. At a distance he barely resembled a shell of the man I fell in love with. His face was washed. His stature was slumped and he was shaking from exhastion and dehydration. And I felt my gut flip with empathy and guilt. Here I am thinking about being needed and about how it was going to benefit me and my dear husband is feeling like death. God forgive me.

Go ahead and judge me. I deserve it. 

He went straight to bed. I didn't hear a peep all night. He didn't need me at all. He got up the next morning and went to work.

As for me, oh I got my pay back. I stayed up way too late and then realized I was going to have to sleep on the couch. With the cat. Purring and pawing and licking my face. All. Night. Long. 

Moral of the story. Resist the urge to be selfish. Cause, you know, it's just selfish.

*I do not support nor watch "Family Guy" but this seemed to be the most appropriate image to capture the context. Judge me on my character, not my cartoon choice. :)

I might get a dog. maybe.

Stop trying to make me want you with those...cute, adorable, droopy eyes.
Oh alright. If you insist.

It started about a year and a half ago. Josh was dropping hints about getting a dog. He'd talk about how much he missed our Walker hound, Bella, we had to give away when Delores was an infant. He'd suggest we just go look around at the humane society. He even went to the point to send me a picture of a stray he saw on his route with a "pleeeaase?"

My answer, always, was "NO WAY!" I'm the one that has to train the dog. The one that has to clean up the poop. The one that has to chase it around the house while also chasing around the lewis ladies and trying not to loose my friggin mind. 

But because I'm a deal makin kinda gal, I agreed that when our last child was around 3 years old I would consider getting a dog. Seemed like a fair deal. At 3 kids can kind of take care of their self and play by their self and I wouldn't have to spend so much time trying to keep the child from killing their self. 

I figured that would buy me like 3 more years. Little did I know the rollercoaster we would be on trying to have our last child. So here we are. Approaching the due date of our second miscarriage and my last little fireball, Lydia, is rolling right along to the threes and I've been catching myself contemplating getting a puppy.

A cute droopy basset hound puppy with its long floppy ears and short stubby little legs.  Not small enough to be an ankle bitter. Not big enough to knock glasses off tables or knock one of the ladies over. Still has the hound qualities I love, yet not too energetic that it needs a ton of yard space to follow its hunting insincts. It has Goldilock's Facebook status written all over it. Just right.

Now around my house everyone has been trained in such a fashion that when mamma says "jump," they don't wait to ask how high. They just start jumping. I don't bark demands at my husband but when I put an idea out there like "I think I want to get a dog. A basset hound in fact." He doesn't wait around for me to elaborate. He gets on it. Which is great. That's how I got walls knocked down in my house. Literally. But, sometimes that can backfire.

He's looking on the humane society's website, craigslist, iwanna, everywhere. He's showing me pictures of these puppies an hour away for $400. Then I get than panicky feeling like $400, what?! An hour away? Oh jeez and we have to buy food, a lesh, a bed, a collar, toys, treats, bowls. Where are we even going to put the bowls? Will Rosy eat next to a puppy?  God, what if I can't keep the puppy from eating the cat food? Will Rosy go all psycho kitty from jealousy? Will pee and poop even come out of concrete? Another vet bill! Crap I still have to take Rosy's to get those other two shots due like a year ago. Shuga! What did I get myself into?

Breathe...

Then I remember you take the good with the bad. Pray. Weigh your pros and your cons. Set your limits. Pray some more. Trust God. What is meant to be will be...but not for 400 big ones, that's for sure.

So we will wait till God puts the best dog in our path. Of course, I don't know when that will be. But at least I do know I want a puppy despite all the axiety ridden variables. I think. Maybe.

Today...

Today we were supposed to be getting Lydia's pictures made, but her outfit didn't come so I guess we will have to reschedule for next Saturday.

I have no idea what we are going to do today. I have an appointment at 8:45 to get a manicure that again was suppose to be for the pictures. They take those close up pictures of the babies feet and fingers in your hands and I want to have nice nails for her first pictures. And I wanted to get pampered a little. I'm working now and making extra income so we should be able to pamper ourselves after pinching pennies for 3 years while I went to school and had babies. So, I take that back, I am not getting my nails done for the pictures. I am getting them done for me. So there, lol.

Anyway everything has been going good. Delores has been doing better. She is still a bit whiny, but she probably always will be. That is just her, but we have it down to a minimum. Lydia is also doing good. She is sleeping 10 hours at night and eating 4 oz at a time. She weighs about 12 pounds and is 24 inches long. Next month Delores has her 18 month check up and we will find out if she has put on any weight or grown any. At 12 months she was 19 pounds and hadn't grown any in 9 months. Now She fits well in her 18 month clothes so maybe she has gained around 2 or 3 pounds. Maybe.

Josh is good. I think he is enjoying his job and right now he is enjoying sleeping late. I'm on the other side of the house with the tv on and I can hearing him snoring in the bedroom  lol.

I am good I guess. My job gets to me sometimes. My boss has turned out to be a jerk 80% of the time and then we will have one good day where he says something like "I've got a good paralegal now," instead of looking at me and talking to me like I'm an idiot the rest of the time.

My projects are at a stand still. Lydia's room is done except for the wall painting and the slip cover for the chair. I've decided I'm not gonna do that though cause my sewing machine is on the fritz. I'll post pictures eventually. I'm staying right at my goal weight at 110. The diapers are just sitting there in pieces because, again, my sewing machine is one the fritz.

We have decided we are going to do something about Ava because she is just (as Delores says) a bad dog. She won't stay in the back yard. She has been pooping in the house. She disobeys. She growls at Delores when she gets near her food bowl. She tears things up in the house when we are gone so she has to either stay outside or stay in a crate. She has snapped at Delores before but she knows who is boss now. She freaks out when we put her in the car. She freaks out during thunderstorms and hides under the bed where she has hidden to poop or throw up before, and when Josh tries to get her out she snaps at him. She is just not the dog for us and we need to get rid of her. The problem is, who wants a dog like that? Also Delores really does like Ava, so I don't want to do anything with her until we can get another dog to replace her. I can't train another dog right now. So I think we have decided to wait till Lydia is walking and then it is good bye bad dog. She has no idea how good she has it.

Well, I have to go get Josh up because I have to get ready for my appointment and also because he is really starting to annoy me lol. Bye for now

long time overdue

A lot has gone on since I last wrote. In fact I don't even know where to begin. I guess I should start off by saying this post started before mother's day weekend so It is all off on dates. I apologize for that.

Last week was pretty intense. Josh had to go to GA for training for FedEx and it was my first week of work. I didn't mention that Josh was gone to facebook or on here because I didn't want some surprise at my house while he was gone. Plus he took the computer so we could still talk and see each other via Skype. Which, I just have to say, must be the best invention since the iphone.

It was pretty stressful without Josh here, but I kind of liked it. I (and my mom) was amazed at how clean I can keep the house when there isn't a man in it lol. It isn't that he is unusually messy, it's just that since I didn't have anything to do, I cleaned. He got done early though and he was home Thursday afternoon and I got to see him after I got off work.

Work is up and down. I love the work but the work is crazy. I really need to be full-time to handle the work load but he thinks he doesn't have enough cases to keep me busy. Well maybe he doesn't have enough cases for a full-time paralegal, but he does have enough traffic for a full-time paralegal/receptionist. Seriously, I can't get any work done for answering phone calls, greeting clients, going to the post office and bank, and chasing after faxes. And the bad thing is that he thinks 24 hours a week is a perfect amount of time to do all this and work on 10 cases at one time. He complains about how unorganized his last paralegal was, but I am slowly starting to understand why the files are such a mess. No one, no matter how much experience (which she had a lot of) could do everything he wants done in 24 hours a week. Other than that though, I love the work I'm doing. I just have to get over this mommy brain and start remembering more things so I can stop being scolded every day.

So since I don't work Fridays and Josh got back early last week, we had a long weekend. It was like a mini vacation, except we didn't go anywhere. Friday we went to the park with the girl and had dinner with his dad. Saturday we did our grocery shopping and Sunday we went to church, had lunch, and then went shopping for work clothes. That was a pain again. I went to NY and comp. and found 4 shirts. Then we went to Khol's and I found absolutely nothing in my size. Then we went to Steinmart and I had the same problem. All I wanted to get my a high waisted pencil skirt and some pantyhose and new underwear. I got none of that. I really wanted to go to my favorite store (White House Black Market), but we ran out of time and had to get back so we could feed Delores and get the girls to bed. It was very frustrating. Josh and I joke that we have the same problem at different extremes. I have to go to expensive specialty stores because I'm so small and so does he because he is such a big guy. Huff.

Lydia is doing okay. She is still struggling with allergies and she is reacting to the dairy I'm eating again. I started introducing it last week into my diet and this week she started showing signs that she was having a reaction to it. So I'm back on a no dairy, no coffee diet. =( Other than those two things she is doing good. She weighs about 12 pounds now. She is sleeping about 10 hours at night and still eating about every 3 hours during the day. She isn't napping very well during the day but I think it's just because she is adjusting to me not being here 3 days a week.

Delores is about as good as a wild 16 month old can be. She is very whiny and spoiled and is having a hard time adjusting to me being gone. She is very clingy now and very demanding. She is testing how much she can get away with when my mom is watching her and honestly I can see her temperment and behavior going downhill fast. I'm afraid she's going to learn that whining and throwing fits are ways to get what she wants. I feel like we are slowly starting to became canidates for the Supernanny show.

This weekend we have a busy schedule once again. I was determined to finish doing my shopping because it is so frustrating to have to keep going out just to be let down. So I went to my store and then to Victoria's Secret and then I was done. After that I pick up his dad's truck and to Wendy's to get my man a large Frosty as a thank you for watching the girls while I did my thing. After I got back we went to TR for my Grandma's 86th birthday party/ Mother's day celebration. Then we are taking the truck over to my papa's vacant house and get their deep freezer for my 1350 ounces (and growing) of frozen breast milk. Then back home to put the girls to bed. Tomorrow we have church an lunch and then Josh is taking me out to dinner for mother's day. I refuse to relive the same Mother's day I had last year. Which had to have been the worst day of that year.

Midnight and fig faced

So it's midnight and I'm up eating fig newtons like they are about to stop making them.

My neighbor's dog started barking off an on around 10 and really started picking up at 11:30. I had to wake poor Josh up to call our neighbor and see if he could put the dog up so she wouldn't wake the girls and I could get some sleep. At first I thought he was doing it to be spiteful because Ava got out today and terrorized the neighborhood. Turns out he wasn't even home. So I got up and came to watch some "Sex and the City," on my dvr till he get home and puts the dog up. Our bedroom window is right beside their backyard so I can't stay in the bedroom or I'd just get more and more frustrated with every bark.

So did you know I was an idiot? Apparently I had to go to work to see that. I don't even know where to begin. My boss is just one of those people you can't please no matter what you do. I do what he asks me to one day and then he complains because I did what he asked me to the next day. My confidence is dwindling and I'm afraid to speak to him because I'm tired of getting scolded for just doing what he asked me to do. I'm not a mind reader, you know? When I don't have confidence in myself my work goes to pot. I don't want to quit because I do like what I do and it is good experience and I need a good reference on my resume. But really, how long can I go on being talked to like I'm a kindergartner and keep a decent amount of good self esteem. Ugh. I guess I'm just going to have to develop some thick skin and throw it back at him.

Well the dog has stopped and that is all I have energy for tonight. Maybe I'll write tomorrow about my other daily adventures. We'll see. Goodnight

government's control

Morning! Today is Thursday I think. This week has been so hectic it feels like it should be Friday or Saturday even, but no. It is only Thursday.

So yesterday my mom came to watch the babies with grandma because grandma couldn't watch even one baby by herself. I went to the health department to get a pap smear and talk to them about getting an IUD since we want to wait about 3 years before we try for a boy. Well they told me I could not get an IUD because I didn't want to wait at least 10 years before trying for another one. Well I can't use hormonal birth control and I'm allergic to latex so I guess our only option is to just keep having kids or sleep in separate bedrooms. Yes I know they make non latex contraceptives, but have you seen the price of those things? Beside we aren't very effective with those. How do you think we got Lydia so quickly? Anyway, it just reminded of how the government tries to control everything we do. Yeah we are suppose to be free people who get to have as many kids as we want when we want, but in actuality they don't want you to have any kids and try to guilt you into giving up your plans so you can get the contraceptive you want. The most frustrating thing about having kids is not the kids. It's the physicians, the government, and the family trying to influence you into thinking a different way. I called josh in the waiting room as I stared at the huge NO CELLPHONES sign and told him they wouldn't give me an IUD and he said "well I guess we will just have two more kids and they can pay for your and their medical care instead of giving you an IUD." Funny, but he's right. They could spend $500 to give me an IUD or they can spend about $20,000 for me to have two more kids. Ridiculous. Just keep an ear out and don't be surprised if I say "oops, I'm pregnant again," before the 3 years are up.

Today I got up at 6:30 because I wanted to get use to getting up earlier before I had to do it on Monday. It is different and I want to go back to bed so bad, but I have to do this so I might as well make the best of it. The hardest part is getting up and not drinking coffee to get me going. Josh was brewing a fresh pot this morning when I got up and it almost drove me crazy. Boo.

I don't really have any plans for today. My grandma is coming back over around 11 so I guess I'll just put up with her till she leaves. She has gotten a lot done around the house since she's been here. She's cleaned out my toaster oven and microwave, done about 4 loads of laundry, cleaned the hall bathroom, swept the house, and swept our front stoop. Today she plans to mop. I'll have to find something else for her to do, but I'm running out of stuff and we still have 4 days till she goes back home. I wonder if she'll wash my car or mow the grass? I'm just kidding. I wouldn't make her do that. Well if she asked me if she could I might let her. Lol.

Well I'm starting to get a headache from looking at the computer screen, but I'll write tomorrow if I can pull myself out of bed at 6:30 again.

Have a great Thursday!

just some thoughts

Good morning! It's been a while since I wrote so I'd just like to give an update on my life's adventures.

First of all I would like to say that I still do not apologize for my last post, but my life has taken a turn for the better. I mentioned that for once I would like things to really just be fine for me and now they almost are. I got a part time job working 24 hours a week. Three 8 hour days as a paralegal at Yokel law firm in downtown Greenville. I am really excited about this because I get to put my paralegal degree to good use after almost a year from when I graduated. I am also really nervous for that same reason. It has been almost a year since I used my legal jargon and had to think in a completely different way other than just being a mom. I hope I can remember everything I've learned and not make a fool out of myself and of the Greenville Tech paralegal program. I am ready for this next chapter in my life even though it is bittersweet. I was with Delores pretty much everyday of her 16 months of life. I will be missing 3 out of 7 days of Lydia's. I'm sure I will be fine once I get started though.

Also Josh did not have to go to training in Raleigh this week. He was the only person to sign up for the class so they canceled it. So he is schedule to go to training next week in Georgia instead. GE is still looking promising. Yesterday he had a series of computer tests he had to take and they will let him know if he goes on to the next test on Friday. If he gets the job he will be working as a welder which is something he really enjoys doing. So the next test involves actual welding. He is pretty excited about it, but we are still not getting our hopes up because we are not there yet. Either way we will be fine and grateful for what God has blessed us with.

As far as how things are going around the house. Well I have been sick for over a week and the girls have been sick since this weekend. Josh is fine of course. The man never gets sick, thank God. Lydia started sleeping 9 hours at a time at night so I'm getting a full nights sleep. She doesn't have colic anymore, but it is still hard to get her to sleep at night. It is getting better though. We normally are in bed by 10 so I can't really complain about that. I'll just be glad when she adjusts to an early bed time so Josh and I can get some "us," time again.

My grandmother is in town from Willmington, North Carolina and his always puts a bit of stress on me. She isn't a maternal person and won't even offer to change a diaper while she's here. She puts way more importance on cleanliness than I have time to do and always makes me feel guilty for not having a spotless house on top of taking care of two kids under 1 and a half years. But instead of getting stressed and trying to break my back and ignore the girls, I put her to work. If a spotless house is that important to her, she can clean it herself.

She also is very backwoods country and has absolutely no consideration for other peoples' lives. The other day We went to the grocery store and left her here and my brother and dad showed up while we were gone and let them in our house without us here. Our house is not a coffee shop for people to gather at and socialize when ever they want. She of course sees no problem with it and neither do they obviously. Just to give you an idea, she invited her entire family to my small backyard wedding. I didn't send them an invitation and they did come. Thankfully I had enough food and cake to cater to the extra mouths.

Another annoying thing she's been doing is that she wants to go with me to get some of my stuff out of my dad's basement before it gets ruined and she just assumes we can just jump in the car and go at any time. Well what am I suppose to do with the girls? Where am I going to put the boxes in my car and who is going to help me carry those heavy boxes? Oh well I guess we will figure that out when we get there.

She leaves on Monday and I will be counting down the days. I love her because she is my grandmother, but she has some many annoying habits she turns me into this frigid mean person whenever she is around. She has so many rude characteristics it would take a short novel to tell about them all. And she has been saying she is going to move back down here for the last 2 years. I'm to the point where I just want to say "well do it already or be quiet about it." Just like she claims she's going to stop giving my brother and dad money to live off of. Well I'm sick of hearing your sob stories of how they are sucking you dry. Just top giving them money already and be done with. Geeze. Anyway, I know this kind of turned into a grandma bashing post but she is always here so that is really all I have time to think about.

So life is good right now and we are so grateful. We are about to start new chapters in our lives and I can't wait and I would just like to say thank you to all of our family who have help us with the girls and been patient with us while I went back to school and been pregnant. Words cannot explain how grateful we are to have such a helpful family to get us through these years when we took the time to better ourselves and grow our family.

Have a good rest of the week everyone!